For some time now, I have wanted to be pushed to my emotional edge to the point of crying. I had assumed that when this finally happened, it would involve LBR inflicting pain on me. I envisioned her pinching or beating me just beyond my limit until I began to weep. I could only imagine the intensity of the emotional connection.

Yesterday, it happened. LBR broke me, but in a most unexpected fashion.

One of the most amazing things about LBR is that she does things HER way. Yesterday, LBR came to me and told me I would be taking a bath with her. Drawing her bath and creating a relaxing space for her is one of the tasks she commands of me; and one I enjoy. But LBR knows that I do not enjoy taking baths. I do occasionally join her in the bathtub, but this time was different. There were no candles, and LBR insisted I get into the tub before her.

“Sit down,” she commanded impatiently. She was wearing an over-sized bathrobe. This was also odd behaviour. She pulled a blindfold out of her pocket and placed it over my eyes. Captive in my own darkness, my mind began racing.

“What is LBR doing,” I wondered to myself. What was she wearing? My other senses became more acute, having been stripped of my sight. I could hear the robe falling to the floor. She climbed into the tub and sat down facing me.

LBR began to probe, wanting to know what fantasies I had in my mind. What did I want her to be wearing? What did I want to happen?

I think it took LBR by surprise when I told her I didn’t have any preconceived fantasies. I told LBR that she is always so creative, and our experiences are so diverse, that I don’t find the need tp fantasize as much as I used to. I hadn’t really stopped to consider this until LBR began her interrogation.

So with that she began to ask what I liked about her body. She asked me if I liked her nipples (she knows I love them and they get SO hard when she is excited). She told me to imagine her nipples, and forbid me to touch her even though she was merely inches away from me.

She grabbed my balls and squeezed them roughly. She began to move further up and rub against me. She continued her verbal assault. Then the most amazing thing happened. LBR began to push her finger ever so gently into my ass. I was overwhelmed. I couldn’t keep my head upright and I went off into headspace.

I have never felt more dominated. I have never felt more loved. I began to weep uncontrollably. I think my response took LBR off guard. But she realized she had broken me down emotionally.

She leaned forward without a word and simply held me in her arms. I felt like a child. I felt safe.

It was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life.

August 31, 2008. I should have this date tattooed on my body. For me, as the sub in our union, it was most memorable.

It is Sunday morning. LBR awakens me and tells me to go to the shower. She turns on the shower and get into the stall behind me. She began to grope my parts. She pushes me firmly against the front wall of the shower stall. Grabbing a handful of hair, she pushes my face against the slippy surface of the tiles. Then she yanks my head back and let the water fall on my face. She repeats this process a few times. I am almost immediately in headspace. I almost fall down, I am so spaced. With that, she turnes off the water and draggs me to our bed and throwing me down, still soaking wet.

She slithers along my body, pressing her weight into me and begins fucking my mouth with her tongue. I think she enjoys invading me in this manner. I complain about being cold, but she gives little heed to my pleas for warmth, finally partially covering me with a thin sheet.

She turns to put her ass in my face, and I see her juices dripping from her swollen pussy. She is in full Domme mode! She continues to work herself into a frenzy, informing me that I will not be allowed to release. Eventually she places me between her legs and directs my actions to bring herself to a mind-blowing orgasm.

I have not had any release in a month, but I am so far out into headspace, it doesn’t matter. I would never trade the sex we share now with what we had as a vanilla couple.

LBR kisses me and cuddles for a while, telling me what a wonderful subbie I am.

Later that same day, in the evening, the torment continues. LBR dominates me in a new way that is so intense for me. I am told to caress and pleasure LBR. It starts with a long foot rub, which she enjoys. It graduates to caressing her thighs, and eventually her whole body. She has a bright red rash on her chest from all the sexual energy that is building in her. At this point, I ALWAYS service LBR orally to bring her to orgasm. But not tonight.

LBR asks me if I want to see her masturbate. Well of course I do, but I ask if I shouldn’t service her. “No,” she replies. “I don’t need you tonight, but I want you to watch me cum.” This is SO hot for a sub like me. Psychological dominance. She writhes and twists as she pleasures herself to orgasm. The implication that I am simply her toy to be used when she decides to use me, sends me into subspace again. When she finishes, she looks at me and tells me to cum on her stomach–and I am allowed to orgasm, not just release. It takes me about five seconds to cover her soft, sexy belly with my cum.

Thankfully, I am not forced to lick her clean, and use a warm facecloth to clean her.

I have never felt so totally dominated. I know LBR loves me. To a vanilla couple, it may seem as if I am being abused. But LBR knows what I need and expends great energy in taking me to headspace.

Our love is very intense. We have never had such a strong emotional bond as a vanilla couple. So do I think D/s the answer to all the marital woes today? I doubt it. But it certainly works for LBR and me.

Many of our friends are suffering from marital problems. I wish I could give them an easy fix, but it is just not that simple. The only advice I can give, is keep no secrets. I think part of the reason D/s has saved our marriage, is that our new dynamic does not allow for either of us to carry secrets. Open communication makes our relationship so much easier, and so much stronger.

LBR and I have not been involved in too much pain play since we started our D/s life together ten months ago. We used to think that pain and punishment had to be somehow linked together. After reading this post by Andrea in her amazing Sex Geek blog, we came to realize that we should not put the two together.

We want to play with pain, but we want that time to be simply for the pleasure each of us may derive from pain. LBR has flogged me a few times, but always with feigned wrong-doing by yours truly. It never seemed right to either of us. We are both excited to play with pain, just because. It seems so much more exciting to think of LBR telling me she is going to beat me just because she wants to beat me. No false reasons. No pretenses. As her sub, I should be pleased to accept the pain she provides me.

So that brings an interesting spin to punishment. LBR has always said she didn’t know quite how she wanted to punish me. She knew that I, a masochist, would enjoy any corporal punishment she may reap on me. Last night, I learned what it is to be punished by LBR–and it hurt. Not physically, but emotionally.

LBR demands that I come to bed naked. And every night, LBR reaches down and squeezes my balls. Sometimes it if firm and brief, sometimes it is gentle and she holds them for a while. I long for that connection to LBR. Last night I gave responded to LBR with an inapropriate tone in my voice. Once the lights were out and I got into bed, I snuggled close to LBR. She turned away and told me that I would not be having my balls rubbed. “You know why,” she scolded. “I won’t have that tone of voice from you.”

Our D/s marriage has been amazing, and it grows better every day.

LBR and I had a long conversation yesterday. Kind of a “state of the union” talk. We decided that LBR should embrace more of the power over me that our relationship affords her. We talked about her being more strict with me, and about placing more demands on me. And we talked about orgasm control.

In our conversation, I asked why LBR did not demand more of me as her submissive. Her response was that she did not want to change me, or who I am, just some of my behaviour. She went on to say that she was worried that behaviour modification might change me.

Now when I think of behaviour modification, I think of changing the way I act in a given circumstance. This is not a change to my personality, or my core values in life. For example, LBR would like me to be more courtious to one of our friends that she feels I am particularly cold towards. Why shouldn’t she be able to make this demand if it pleases her? I do not believe that these type of behaviour modifications will not change my core being.

The idea of LBR becoming a strict wife demanding certain tasks to be done; and changing my behaviour to suit her wishes, is simply intoxicating for me. I became very aroused while we were having this conversation. I am sure an erotic sweat broke out on my brow.

Anyway. After much discussion, LBR has agreed that she would love to make a few changes, and feels comfortable that she will not be making radical changes to her submissive. She confided that she often bites her tongue when she wants to tell me what she really thinks. It seems going forward, she will feel more free to express herself.

Once behaviour modification was taken dealt with, chastity seemed to be an obvious extension. Orgasm control has been somewhat relaxed to this point. LBR is the only one who orgasms during sex. I am not afforded the opportunity. We are both comfortable with this arrangement, and the sex, for both of us, is amazing. So LBR has basically left me unattended, telling me to relieve myself as required for health purposes. And I am not to orgasm, just release. I only masturbate a couple of times a month, but having the knowledge that I could every day is like having a psychological security blanket. As long as I tell LBR when I have done so, I am free.

LBR proposed new rules for orgasm control that has stepped up the intensity. LBR now forbids me to relieve myself without first seeking permission from her. She wants to be more involved in my release/orgasms. She has forbidden me to masturbate before Labour Day weekend–six days away. Under no circumstances am I to touch myself before then. All of a sudden my mental safety net is gone. Of course, I want to wank so badly, but at the same time, I find LBR’s new rules so very hot. She won’t tell me what she means by being more involved. But LBR is very creative, so I imagine it will start with her simply watching and will evolve into many wonderful forms of dominance.

If I was asked to define dominance in a D/s relationship, I think I would have a very difficult time.  I suspect there are as many definitions as there are D/s relationships.  My point is, there is no right or wrong here.  There is really no criteria explicet to a D/s relationship.  That is what makes D/s so exciting.  The most important thing a D/s couple should do to define their relationship is to do what is real for them.

I call LBR “the Gentle Domme.”  She is not harsh in her ways.  When she asks for something to be done, and she expects that I, as the submissive, will do it since my greatest desire is to please her.  She is not big on punishment and believes I should respect her wishes.  If I fail to complete a task, she will be disappointed, but I am unlikely to receive any physical punishment.

I, on the other hand, enjoy a more physical form of domination.  And I have received some wonderful physical domination at the hands of LBR. 

But what I want most is for LBR to be herself.  That gives me the highest high.  This past week I was dominated is a most gentle, but intense way.  We were laying in bed, and LBR was sharing how some of my recent behaviour was bothering her.  It really bothered me that I was the source of tears for my beautiful Queen.  I went very quiet.  LBR knew, I think, that I just wanted to be left alone, but she refused to allow that.  She told me that she wanted to hold me.  In response, I suggested I would get ready for bed and then return to LBR.  She would have no delays, and demanded that I come to her.  I relinquished.  LBR caressed my head and told me how much she loved me.  I had the most intense feeling of peace and contentment come over me.  The emotional connection was overpowering.  The domination was gentle, but so very intense.

I love LBR and want her to be herself, above all.  I am so lucky to have LBR in my life.

When we began our D/s journey, just nine months ago, all aspects of kink were new to LBR. The first thing that intrigued LBR, was a memory of pinning boys in the school yard when she was about twelve. She had forgotten this, but once the memory was awakened, LBR recalled the thrill she derived from watching the boys struggle to get free. It was even better, she mused, when they would begin to show their frustration.

So wrestling was the most natural outlet for us as a budding D/s couple.

But the area that has been most amazing for us, is orgasm. For twenty-six years, we were like most couples. We pursued the fallacy of the ever elusive and ridiculously over-rated, simultaneous orgasm. We would spend so much energy trying to make sure we would cum together, that the emotional joy of sex was pretty much spent by the time we crossed the threshold of orgasm. It became an event. Purely a physical reaction. Needless to say, our sex life was boring, and neither really cared that months would pass before we would consider partaking of the daunting task of mutual orgasm.

Very early in our D/s union, we decided to eliminate intercourse. Our thought was that LBR was the Domme, and as such, it was her pleasure that mattered. We changed to oral sex only. At first it was difficult for LBR, as the brainwashing of mutual orgasm would invade her thoughts. After she had her orgasm, she would express her concern that I had not had sexual gratification. But in a remarkably short period, LBR embraced her new power and happily rolled over and went to sleep after sex.

And sex began to happen more frequently.

Our relationship escalated to the level of orgasm control for glenn. Today, I am not permitted to orgasm without permission. LBR has discovered that restricting my orgasms, has the wonderful benefit of keeping me in a state of heightened sexual tension, always ready for her beck and call.

Once a month, I am permitted a physical release, but this does not mean orgasm. I masturbate until point of ejaculation, but then must stop pleasuring myself immediately. I was skeptical of this concept, so once after ejaculation had just finished, I stroked myself. A thundering orgasm tore through my body. So, I get my release, for health issues if nothing else, but no orgasm. I have not had an orgasm in six months.

Today, my sex life is radically different. From the point I discovered masturbation as a young teen, until November, 2007, scarcely a day would pass without me stroking myself into an orgasm. I would not have imagined I had the willpower to abstain from masurbation.

Now before you pass judgement on LBR, let me say that she is very loving and nurturing to me. Yes, I no longer have orgasms, but the places she takes me to are amazing. I guess you would call it headspace. It is an elevated state of euphoria that she brings over me. To me, it is like an emotional orgasm. It lasts for maybe five or ten minutes and washes over me like a warm summer breeze. In the most intense of my ’emotional orgasms’, I pleasured LBR to an orgasm with my mouth; and I have no recollection of giving oral sex. It was amazing.

I suspect it is difficult for others, particularly vanilla folks, to understand my thinking. As a sub, being controlled this way establishes a beautiful foundation for our D/s relationship. I long to be submissive to LBR. Having my orgasms controlled is a constant reminder of her dominance in our D/s marriage.

I consider my sex life to be infinitely better in D/s than it ever was previously. I am more content than I have ever been. More in love, than I have ever been. And I would not go back to simple orgasms.

This blog is intended to be a window into our D/s marriage for the purpose of sharing our lifestyle with others who may be interested in the same.  We don’t believe that we are in any way a perfect example of a D/s marriage.  To the contrary, we be are learning every day.  We feel that part of the beauty of a D/s relationship is that every one is unique.  There is no predefined list that makes a D/s union.

So why blog?  We have learned so much from reading the blogs of other D/s couples, that we wanted to return the favour, so to speak. 

A few caveats for prospective readers:  

This blog is written from the perspective of the male sub.  He is not a professional writer, so please forgive grammatical and spelling errors. 

We use the term marriage, because we evolved from a ‘normal’ vanilla heterosexual marriage.  While we use marriage to define our relationship, we are open to all D/s relationships, and believe that our experiences apply to all regardless of the relationship dynamic, number of partners, or the gender of the partners. 

We are not ‘out’ with our family and friends.